I realized lately I suffer from quite extreme anxiety and it has been pushing people away and has been really causing a disconnect to my own life and my own sense of self.

I love affirmations and I journal them every day to help try to change my neural pathways and think healthier, wealthier thoughts. I had made a mistake in my previous relationship and it caused myself a lot of damage. I acted in ways I never imagined and honestly I have been doing a lot of soul searching. The journaling just wasn’t happening. I definitely should have continued with therapy versus feeling like a burden because of the cost. It took me a long time to realize what I was feeling was actually Anxiety and not everyone hated me. I still love journaling and I do have a link for what I do here.

The relationship did end and I have deep sadness about this. I do not blame him one bit. I most certainly was not the most healthy version of myself and got very wrapped up, not knowing who I am. A major part of this was due to me not processing my previous relationship. There was trauma and abuse and unfortunately, I didn’t trust my intuition to just take time. I am a hopeless romantic at heart still and thought – love can heal all! I still believe this. Although the love I was missing, was for myself. He was exceptionally patient and of course, is a human being with many wheels moving of his own. I couldn’t be the supportive, loving partner I knew I could be – because I was before – because my brain felt that being the loving person I was got me the terrible treatment in the first place. I was guarded, had walls, overthought every action instead of just appreciating it for what it was.

So I am committed to take the time for me. To feel what I am feeling and not worry about feeling wrong.

Feel What You Are Feeling Without Projecting

A big part about feeling that I missed before – I can feel any way I want to and not take it out on the people around me. When you take it out on the people around you, you just compound the poopy feeling. When you can feel and look at other’s objectively and have empathy, you will feel less guilt about feeling the said feelings. I get that now. Fully. Accepting my anxiety is my responsibility is key. I can have support people around me and I can let them know I am feeling off. But truthfully, I am the only one who can help me feel better.

It Is Not Life Or Death

You have survived 100% of your bad days so far. And I know anxiety can feel soul crushing. Like you will indeed die. Don’t let your activated nervous system go wild. Breathe. Shake out your hand And even though it may not have worked out as you hoped, in ways it probably turned out even better. For example, I lost a great love and I also got out of two really terrible relationships. A light was shone on exactly the spots I needed to pay attention to and love the shame out of me. I wouldn’t have had that with out that great love.