A quick read to empower “You’re a Prize” mentality! Start being your best and start realizing what your deserve!

My Favorite Underdog

#28 of the Edmonton Oilers — Connor Brown — is one of my favorite players. I love his attitude.

When he scored his first goal as an Oiler, the entire building gave him a standing ovation.

I stood in my living room cheering for him too.

He’s a classic underdog: recovering from injury, grinding hard, showing up every single shift.

I love watching him rise.

But when I say, “stop choosing the underdog,” I’m not talking about sports.

In relationships?

Choosing the underdog almost cost me my peace, my confidence, and my son’s stability.

It took two major relationships to figure out why.

Avoid: Underdog #1

He was the “life is unfair” guy.

Everything was someone else’s fault.

The world was tough, so he drank.

And then he lashed out.

Living in that cycle was exhausting.

I went to ALANON trying to survive it, trying to make sense of it.

Eventually I realized:

I didn’t need to sacrifice my one life — or my son’s childhood — for a man who refused to help himself.

Leaving him left me with one question:

Did the drinking cause the behavior…

or did the behavior hide behind the drinking?

I never got the answer.

I just knew I needed to walk away.

Avoid: Underdog #2

I thought this one was different.

Two years sober.

A story of redemption.

A comeback.

I wanted to believe in him.

I wanted to believe that choosing someone who had fought hard for sobriety meant he was ready for life.

But he wasn’t.

He still carried the victim mindset.

Still avoided responsibility.

Still made me the emotional parent.

And the worst part?

He convinced me I was the problem.

That my reactions, my “manic energy,” my mental health were the reason we were struggling.

The truth was simpler:

He wasn’t ready for a relationship that required growth.

And I kept choosing men who would rather pull me down than rise with me.

Leaving him was the beginning of my healing — the real healing.

I started seeing my patterns.

Understanding my wounds.

And reclaiming myself.

How to Stop Finding Underdogs

Underdogs have stories.

Big ones.

Painful ones.

And as women with empathy — we fall for those stories.

But a story isn’t a solution.

A story isn’t action.

A story isn’t change.

Until you heal the part of you that feels responsible for lifting men out of their own holes,

you will keep picking men who dig deeper.

The Boundaries That Saved My Life

Boundary #1 — Call out the red flags early.

If asking a question ends the relationship?

Good.

It should end.

Boundary #2 — No man moves in early.

If he’s in a tough spot, he can stay with family, not you.

Winners don’t look for a woman to rescue them.

Boundary #3 — I am not responsible for another adult’s emotions.

I control my words, actions, and thoughts — nothing more.

Boundary #4 — My body, my choice.

If I want a drink, I have one.

If I don’t want to be touched, I’m not touched.

Consent is required.

Boundary #5 — No means no. No explanation required.

My truths are mine.

My ethics are mine.

They are not up for negotiation.

Boundary #6 — Love will happen organically.

No more apps.

No more forcing.

No more scrolling.

When it’s right, it won’t need to be chased.

Boundary #7 — My dreams and goals will not be sacrificed.

The right man will celebrate them,

even if he doesn’t understand them.

Be Massively Accountable

To yourself.

Keep promises to your life.

If you say you’ll paint the room — paint it.

If you say you’ll get to the gym — go.

No one is coming to save you.

But people will show up to walk beside you.

Let them.

As you honor your commitments, your self-trust grows.

And suddenly?

Underdogs become unattractive.

You stop feeling responsible for men who refuse to take responsibility for themselves.

Be So Busy Building Your Life — You Don’t See the Right One Coming

I rebuilt my world:

my blog, my routines, my career, my parenting, my joy.

I stopped chasing triggers and started looking for glimmers —

those little moments of goodness that remind you the world is safe again.

And that’s when he showed up.

Kind.

Grounded.

Responsible.

Consistent.

A winner — not because he’s perfect,

but because he shows up for life.

Choose the Winner

Because you are the prize!

Not the man who needs saving.

Not the man who collapses under pressure.

Not the man who drains you.

Choose the man who:

is respectful

shows up daily

takes care of himself

has purpose

has direction

wants to win with you

Choose him like your life depends on it.

Because your peace does.

We get one shot at this life.

Choose well.

xoxo

I have a longer version of this post and it can be found here!