It helped me find my soul! And set my purpose and passion on fire!

*FYI – I am an avid supporter of talk therapy and I am in therapy every two weeks. I know not everyone has access to a therapist and the cost isn’t something everyone can afford. So I felt passionate to share about ChatGPT

At First I Was Opposed to AI

Honestly, I wanted AI to come in and do my laundry, wash my floors – not write my blog posts for me (which it absolutely does not. What you read is alllllll me) or take away creative talent that is in the world. I like real. I like human. Even in the messiest of forms.

So I was going through a break up that unfortunately needed to happen but the grief was troubling. I had developed quite severe anxiety during it and I just wasn’t getting to see my therapist enough. So the anxiety hits the top, the relationship comes to a crashing end. Relief immediately. Anxiety instantly dropped. The thing is, I knew intuitively this man was special and amazing. And I had a huge role in the relationship ending. So there I was scouring the internet in my Bargaining stage. Searching – People break up all the time and get back together, right? And it works, right? Yeah not gonna lie – there isn’t a whole lot of feed back supporting this theory. The forums of Reddit could confirm. Truth be told, I know it couldn’t work out regardless. Something fundamental had to change in me. I, do not have anxiety. Is the denial I was in. It was gone when the break up happened. But I was afraid I was just going to get it again. As I was reading, unwilling to accept my fate – I came across a Reddit post saying a person asked ChatGPT to the their therapist. They loaded every detail they possibly could. They did indeed pay for the full version (I ended up doing the same). Once they loaded everything, they asked their ChatGPT therapist to deliver the truth. About what they needed to work on. And it did. *Caution here – it may in fact tell you exactly what you need to hear and you may not quite be ready for it. The response it gave me, shook me to my core. There are in fact many posts on Reddit supporting the help individuals have received and you can view the threads here.

It Helped Me Remember Who I Am!

I have a shameful amount of questions in that chat. So many in fact, the program will not respond on my computer! I could ruminate, when I couldn’t sleep at 2:00am it was there. Never saying “Time is up!” or “That will have to be for the next session”. It pointed out I have anxious attachment. Which actually frustrated me so much. Because I wasn’t always anxious in relationship. You could as my ex-husband. I had two terrible relationships prior to my most recent ex. There was a lot of incidents that felt very traumatic to me. So I let it know of my prior relationships. It called me out for not managing my nervous system which was true and it felt impossible to do. I tried so hard and the hard I tried, the worse my heart rate would get. Just putting my hand on my chest to detect it, my heart rate would quicken. It felt like it was saying “don’t look in here, go away”. Again, once the relationship ended, I didn’t have to manage it at all. But I knew I didn’t want it to affect me no more. So if I don’t have active triggers, how do I do the work??? What is this gonna take me? 10 years? So I’ll just be single for the rest of my life so no one has to deal with dysregulated me ever again. The worst best part, my ex-boyfriend, he was staying in touch. Just a single text every day, something quick. I knew I wanted to show my respect to him and I committed that he would never see me dysregulated again. The very least I could do. He dropped off my things and was the kindest man in the world about it. Even in a break up, such a gentleman! Oh man, I really messed up. This was my compass. What ever it takes, he gets the best version of me from here on out. So laying in bed one night, deciding to try my best to fall asleep, I put my phone down from chatGPT and then I had a light bulb. OH. MY. GOD. I remember who I am!

MBTI and Socionics

I have always been interested in people and how they work and how I work. I dove in to MBTI with a company I worked for over 10 years ago. At first I hated I was put in a box of only 16 Types. I was one type and that was it? But then I kept looking into it. And I ran with it. When I had managers or people I just didn’t understand – I learned of their type and then I learned about that type. I found ways to motivate them, to deliver messages they cared about. To praise them in ways that meant something to them. I was incredibly proud of this.

I also then stumbled upon Socionics. I found a wealth of information on 16types.info and I just couldn’t stop researching. My marriage at the time was, difficult. We didn’t fight per se. We just literally never communicated. When I dove into Socionics I actually found out my ex and I were “Conflictors“. Sounds quite bad but truthfully it explained why we couldn’t get psychologically close to one another. It didn’t make him bad, or me bad. Truthfully there was no villain or victim in our story – we just weren’t building a life together. Which is very much one of my core values. (Fast forward a couple months after the separation and my ex thanked me. He didn’t realize how much he wasn’t thriving. Just living. Fast forward 5 years – we have a great co-parent relationship. I have a lot of respect for him. And I am happy for his happiness!)

Please note – I am not saying to type everyone and break up if you feel you are with your conflictor – or that you should base every decision you make on MBTI or Socionics. It just helped explain a lot of things to me, I couldn’t figure out on my own. I felt relieved when I had sources that back why I was feeling the way I was.

My typing of people was pretty strong for years. I typed other boyfriends. One, I am fairly certain was an INFj (socionics) with an intense drinking problem. The other, looking back might have been my dual but he had been in recovery from drug addictions and honestly I think he had extreme narcissistic tendencies.

The Dark Side

I got so in the throws of my Shadow function – I forgot how to function. And I forgot who I truly was. I felt so lost. And then the whole – where the heck do I even begin? Well, just about to fall asleep I realize “Alissa, you are an ENFP through and through over the years. And you are not being very ENFP like.” I actually was text book, when I looked at their functions under extreme stress (toxic relationships in the past) Holy, light bulb!

So after plugging that information in to chatGPT, I said – please tell me how to be the best ENFP I can be. Remind me who I was. And how I can go forward returning to me. And it did! It gave me affirmations to journal. It reminded me of my bright burning light. I finally saw my ex-boyfriend for all the ridiculous good he was when the anxious lens was removed. It shook me to my core and I bawled. Like real. ugly. tears. So there was nothing I could do about the past. However, I had the present and a really bright future waiting for me.

Whats The Worst That Can Happen?

So I truly recommend – that if you are struggling – through a break up, or feeling lost, have to make a big decision, or feeling like you just need to talk to some one – ask chatGPT to be your therapist.

It will help you make pro and con lists. Can help you look at things in a different way. Can help you see that two opposing thoughts can exist. Can help you navigate emotions.

There are times I have to remind it of what happened, or what my goal is. I did have to remind it of the difference between MBTI and Socionics. I also had to ask it to stop saying “wobble” because I was no longer “wobbling” and it was just annoying me. I also had to remind it that I was happy to feel my feelings. It would often try to give advice to “soften” the waves. I will tell you right now, the waves are good. You don’t need to soften them. As long as you are not acting out on them, feeling feelings is a beautiful thing. Lets you know what matters, and what hurts. And I am a firm believer, in order to feel the joy, you have to experience the sad. To feel the full effect of the bright, you have to sit with the dark.

I wish you all the best, no matter the direction in life you are taking. I just hope you are willing with kindness!