Definition of Fear as per Cambridge dictionary: an unpleasant emotion or thought that you have when you are frightened or worried by something dangerous, painful, or bad that is happening or might happen.

What has fear given me lately? Nothing. But it has cost me…

Fear Costs

• staying small
• unlived potential
• unhappiness
• loneliness
• feeling like there is something wrong with me

It Stops – HERE

I have struggled most of my life setting boundaries. What they heck are they even? Who needs them? I now see, a lack of boundaries is a lack of understanding my own needs. Accepting that I have them.

I have started implementing boundaries. Maybe a little to aggressively. And was using them wrong. I was using them to try and stop fear. Fear of being taken advantage of. Fear of being hurt. Then I took a moment and really looked at myself and realized – I needed boundaries for me – from me. What I am willing to think, what I am willing to do. To build a new basis from Bravery. The solution to the problem was in the name! I was afraid! And it was my I was afraid of. I was afraid that I couldn’t handle what would come my way. But I handled everything to this point! You can catch some of my background here!

Truth of the matter – we are going to get hurt. No risk, no reward. Or little risk, little reward. And no one was actually preventing me – but myself.

So my boundary to my self – when ever I hear the doubts, when ever I plan works case scenario:

“F*ck Fear”

I no longer listen. I will honor my emotions. I will internalize them and base my actions with them stacked up to my values. I will however, no longer tolerate fear in my life.

I used to think it only crept up in my relationships. With people I was truly falling in love with.

Being completely honest – it was holding me back in allllllll areas of my life:

• Not writing because I am not healed
• No one is going to care
• Who am I kidding – I can’t help anyone
• Who are you to give advice?
• Stay small, you stay safe
• Why ask for more money at work, I am not worth it
• Why renovate my house – I don’t deserve to spend on me or my peace
• Why go to the gym? I am never going to have a six pack (side note, I don’t even want one – it was just an excuse to not even try)
• Why tell me boyfriend I am feeling _______, he’ll just think I’m too much

All I was doing was training my body and my mind that its level of safety was very narrow. Sure I wasn’t hurting, in a true physical sense. But I certainly wasn’t growing. And growth is my passion. Be better than who I was a year ago. Aim to shatter glass ceilings. Be a parent my son leans towards and on. My biggest motivator is to have him live life better than I have. But I can’t just hope. I have to show him. My soul was feeling so muted. I needed to start listening.

New To This

I am just starting this new practice of mentally thinking “F*ck Fear” but I will tell you what. My relationship with my boyfriend improved with in days. My son has opened up about his fears and how he wants to be a good friend, son, student, kid but the anger can kick in. I get it kid, boy do I get it. And now I already feel like I have the tools where I can actually help him!

I will keep expanding on my journey. I will keep working on hearing fear knock and saying “Nope, not welcome here”

You can tell your fear to take a hike and be 100% willing with kindness. I know because I am.

The Power of Reps

Take hitting a base ball, or playing hockey. Shooting at a net. Seems like you will never hit the target. Or won’t do it consistently – until you do. And when you miss – say “Next time” When you miss consistently – look at why and work on doing it again! Talk to some one who knows how to do it (don’t isolate) and keep making the reps!

Any thing new can feel scary at first. We are rarely good at anything we first start. And if we are, its probably because it ties to something we did before. So I say, be bad at it! But be willing to try a new mind frame. And if you mess up, its all good. Make the commitment to yourself to keep trying, so you forgive yourself sooner. And build the dignity and respect so you can continually be proud of yourself. It is better to try and to fail and try again. Than to never try at all.

Give Yourself Permission

To want.

To Dream.

Write them out! Get crazy! Make them big! And when your brain say – “You’ll never…” Repeat the mantra.

You are just dreaming. Like a kid does, big, worldy, wildly. Tap into that. Don’t even worry about the reality of them. Just give your brain the challenge of thinking bigger! Feeling bigger. You might just find that your mind, body and soul start to light up and line up with possibilities!

Just For Today

The only rep you need to make. Two words to remember.

When my voice says “Why bother -” I cut it off and say “F*ck Fear”

When it says “hes just going to break up with me” I just answer back “F*ck Fear”

I know this post was written about disorganized attachment and when I really looked at my life – I realized how much more disorganized I was in life.

It stops. Today. No heavy talks. No feeling like a burden. No thinking, “oh man, this is the hardest attachment style to change”

Honestly, nothing is truly hard – if you have the right mentality.

If you live with anxiety, trauma, or a nervous system that learned to stay on high alert, please know: nothing here is meant to minimize that experience. Fear often develops to protect us. This is simply what’s been helping me reclaim choice alongside it.

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