Ugh, this part makes me uncomfortable. How ever the voice in my head tells me “Nothing grows in the comfort zone”. So I’ll do it!
I was born in Halifax, Nova Scotia. How ever, the family moved when I was a year old back to Alberta. I like to say I am a Blue Bertan. Born a blue noser, raised an Albertan. I am proud to say both.
Growing up I had a good childhood. I was held back in Grade Two but my parents moved towns in between so not many seem to remember. I lacked focus and was fond of chasing butterflies, quite literally. I still can lack focus but found a way to hack my hyperfocus modes – tricking my brain into believing even menial is fun! (The trick: give myself the why. And repeat the why. Every time)
My parents – they were not perfect. No one really hands you to the rule book to parenting, and no one really refs you to make sure the score is being kept. I have learned however – they gave me much better than what they had. And when they made mistakes – they did not hide. They owned up and worked to do better. The accountability and responsibility they taught me is priceless. They bought themselves credibility with me. I believed them when they laid out what was smart and what wasn’t in my youth. And they accepted me for me.
I have a son. He is the light house that guides me. I don’t aim to be perfect. Ever. I aim to try. And to fail. And to get back up and try again (I mean maybe not the exact same thing, the exact same way because that is my definition of insanity) I want him to see that it doesn’t have to be perfect, to be oh so good.
I have an ex-husband. I am part blessed, and part deserving that we have the relationship we do. Our compass is always what our sons best interest is. He has a family that I adore. That if they called, needing anything at all, I would be there. I don’t have ex in-laws, because once you have children – family is family. I am an aunt to my ex-husband’s nieces and nephew. And I am humbled by it.
I am my own worst enemy at times. I have learned in the last year the true value of self-love and self-compassion. I started blogging a few years ago and my site had expired. I lost my zest. I was pouring into a cup that had many many many holes. I didn’t have boundaries and I hurt myself (emotionally) very deeply. You can learn more about that through some of my posts and content.
I am not ashamed to be me. I am not ashamed of my past. I respect it. Fully, whole heartedly. It has made me who I am today. And you know what. I am proud of her.
It has been a vision for me to leave the world better than I found it. To leave people better than I found them. And I will be honest, I haven’t always been successful. But you know what, I haven’t quit. I believe truly in the power of kindness. To myself, to others. Killing with Kindness is not my mission. Willing with Kindness is.
Yours truly,
Alissa Wagner